Incoming Crush
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Cupid, the chubby deity of love and lust with serious mommy and relationship issues, is mercurial at best, cruel at worst. Hate your ex? Probably his fault for making you fall for them in the first place. Don't bother ducking. You can't.
HipHopHath
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Hathor is the Egyptian cattle goddess of cosmetics, dance, sexuality, and motherhood. She's usually represented in cow form but could also be a lioness, a cobra, or a sycamore tree because ancient Egyptians were an eclectic bunch. She's vegan and wants everyone to know that.
Horus
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Horus is the Egyptian warrior god of the sun and moon, and arguably the most important of them all (according to him). Pictured here at his first rave, when he still knew how to party.
Pan
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This is Pan, the Greek musical woodland god of shepherds, flocks, and fertility. He was also a bit of a masculine jerk, but which gods weren't in those days?
Walkies
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Little Red Riding Hood is all grown up and taking no shit from creepy wolves or hermit grannies.
Babi, Baby!
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Babi is the Egyptian god of baboons, rage, sexual lust, and bloodthirst, and those are his good sides. Here he's seen groovin' his way to the Duwat, or Egyptian underworld to continue being horrible. He's a bad dude, but super slick. His hobbies include gorging on entrails and long walks in the gloom.
Oldilocks
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Golidlocks was originally a tale simply called The Three Bears, in which a miserable old woman basically ruins these poor bears' lives and enjoys doing it. Why? Well, why not? This was entertainment in the 1800s.
Am-heh
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Am-heh, the Egyptian god of being really, really awful. He was called 'Devourer of Millions' at work, but his friends knew him as Jesus Quintana. Under no circumstances should you accept his Facebook friend request.
Lady Sekhmet
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The Egyptian goddess of war and medicine, relaxing in her happy place with her alter ego, the cat goddess Bastet. She is often depicted with the sun, and can be seen as beneficial or destructive, which jives with the whole cat persona.
Huehuecoyotl
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Huey to his friends, Huehuecoytol is the Aztec coyote god of all sexualities, music, dance, song, adulthood, and adolescence. He was clearly first in line when they were handing out job titles. He's uninhibited and not interested in your labels. He has a small-batch tequila distillery start-up. Find him on Instagram.
Kamapuaʻa
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Kamapuaʻa is the Hawaiian boar deity who spent the majority of his time pursuing the fire goddess Pele, who just wasn't that into him. Rather than say 'I respect your wishes', he said, 'Too bad' and kept at it. She relented, and their union produced the fertile lands of Hawaii. He can appear as a handsome human or a handsome boar, depending on your personal taste in either.
Camazotz
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The Mayan bat god of bats, death, night, and sacrifice (your sacrifice, to be clear). He's technically a demon who serves the lords of the Mayan underworld, but don't tell him that to his leafy-nosed face unless you want a total wipeout of humanity, which some might argue isn't as bad as it sounds.